In The Anatomy of Peace there is the concept of “the box”. Simply put it is a place where we view others as objects instead of people, where our heart is at war with those we interact with, where we betray ourselves by not choosing the right path and then justifying those actions.  It is a place where we think we deserve something or are better than others or need to be seen in a certain way. The goal of the book is to demonstrate ways to escape - and then stay out of - “the box”. Once you are out of “the box” you have a new vantage point that provides a different perspective on past, present, and future events - you will have greater clarity. 

One of the ways to escape the box is to find an “out-of-the-box” place. This can be a memory or an activity or a place where you are at peace and do not have bitter feelings towards anyone. I wanted to share some of mine that I have thought of over the past few days - perhaps doing so will help you determine what yours are.

Nature: Perhaps this is too broad - it would be a warm beach listening to the waves as they hit the shore or going on hikes leading me to majestic views over valleys, lakes, or woods. There is something about the raw beauty of the world around us that just takes me from a place of anger and conflict to a place of peace outside of myself. Many of my fondest memories come from walks alone or with friends or with family exploring the world around me. The freedom of the endless ocean stretching off in deep blues or turquoise waters removes any desire to be in conflict with others. Memories of days spent with friends while living in Hawaii also make the beach a place to go back to when I feel I am at war with someone. 

The Gym:  Specifically weightlifting. It may be the greater focus on myself so that I can’t be in conflict with someone; perhaps the struggle and push to excel brings out my better part; or maybe it allows for greater thinking and perspective, which isn’t possible at other times. Finding an out-of-the-box place is all about getting a new vantage. The solitude and reflection that comes in between sets while wearing a hoodie and listening to music gives me this greater perspective and reminds me of what really matters. 

Music: Listening to beautiful music always takes me from a place of war to that of peace. Anger or hate or jealousy simply melt away.  Creating music - by playing the piano for example - is even more powerful in taking me out of the box. In a way, while I play an instrument it is like I am making the world a better place in my own little way. And as other out-of-the-box places it brings back memories of good times, inspires the soul to think of the greatness that humans can create, and also provides a way for me to better think about why I am in conflict with an individual and what is most important. 

Friends: I do not want to embarrass these people I have in mind by saying what their names are, but I have made a couple of friends during the MBA program who always bring out the best in me and put me in a happy place. Even when we disagree I am never at war with these individuals. I would definitely say this is more a result of their personality and character than mine. They seem to be the type of people who never get in the box. They are who I aim to be like because of the good they do wherever they go. Finding people who I’m not in the box with is probably one of the most important ways I get out of the box towards others, because I am reminded how I should treat those around me. 

LDS Temples: For those who are LDS this does not need much explanation. Within the walls of our temples we set aside the things of the world for a few moments. We leave behind phones and watches and computers - in all ways looking to completely disconnect from what is outside the walls. Inside the temple we focus on the things of eternity and how we can help those who have not had the same opportunities that we have. The temple is a representation of heaven and purity and love and forgiveness. Inside the temple we remember a Savior who gave all for us. There is no room for judgement towards another in the heart, mind, or soul when it is filled with an indescribable amount of love and sacrifice from a Heavenly Father and Redeemer who epitomize having hearts at peace.

A Memory: A time when everything was right. I think of when my family was living in Ireland. This isn’t quite one memory as much as a series of different memories: helping the couple we rented the house from with their dairy farm, walking through the Comeraghs, taking long drives down country roads to castle ruins, learning to play traditional Irish music together on different instruments. Life has never been perfect, but this is a memory I often go back to when I want to be at peace. I think this is particularly helpful for me since so many of my conflicts come from interactions with family. This is not to say anything bad about my family or that I do not love them. Just some of the choices that have been made - and continue to be made - are quick triggers to put me back in the box. I suppose this shouldn’t be too surprising as they are the people I know the most and have spent the most time with. When these conflicts do arise, and I want to get back in the box, this is one of my fondest memories to help prevent it. A memory of when my family was still all together in one home and one of the happiest moments shared with them. 

What are your out-of-the-box places?