My Conversion

6:51 PM ispeakitboldly 0 Comments

Before I go into my story I want to briefly explain what I think or mean when talking about conversion or sanctification. Even though these are words I use a lot I still like to refer to the dictionary to help me remember exactly what they mean. Conversion means something that is changed from one use or purpose to another.  As far as sanctification goes when I first read that I thought of the act of becoming a saint and I am far from that. But once again I read the definition in the dictionary and sanctifying means to set something apart for a sacred purpose or use (it does also means to free from sin or to purify). I’m going to focus on purpose in both of these definitions.
So what does this mean for us? Conversion means that we personally need to undergo some significant change in who we are (as it says in the book of Joel to turn to God with all of our hearts) so that our purpose in this life (what we do with the time and talents God has given us) shifts from a worldly/temporal focus to that of a celestial/eternal one that is in tune with God’s will. A couple of scriptures to go along with that purpose are Alma 29:9 which says, “that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance” and Moses 1:39 when it says we are meant to become converted so that our use or purpose can aid God in his work of “bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”. We need to become converted first (save ourselves like the instructions with the airplane masks to put one over your own mouth before someone else's) so that we can help others convert.

With that in mind I’m going to start talking about my personal story of conversion or how I was converted. My parents are converts and joined right before I was born. We were sealed in the Mesa Arizona Temple when I was about 4 months old. I’m not sure how much babies participate in this covenant, but it was the first time I entered the temple. I’m going to talk more about the temple later and how important it is. I was raised in the church so went to Primary - got baptized at 8, Young Mens - got the priesthood at 12, got my patriarchal blessing and Eagle Scout award. I graduated from seminary. Basically I checked all the boxes of someone who grows up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But then something happened when I was a senior in high school. I began to wander. I still went to church but started doing things my non-member friends were doing. Tobacco and alcohol became a part of my life. Then I went inactive after high school and would go to church maybe once or twice a year for Christmas or something like that. Actually looking back on this time while writing my talk I realize I wasn’t truly converted. I was doing the right things which is important, but I was relying on other people’s testimony and was on the sandy foundation we read about in Matthew 7.
After a few years of aimlessly going about my life - sometimes working, sometimes going to school, sometimes partying - at some point I realized I was in a really bad place. It was pretty much a prodigal son moment where I had hit rock bottom. If you remember the son in that story after all the fun stuff he had been doing was eating with the pigs and realizes his life is not where he imagined it would be. For me it got to the point where I was broke and homeless. I had no potential of jobs or any real future. And like the prodigal son I knew I was meant to have a better life than this. That I deserved more. (Everyone needs to remember this - you deserve more). It’s not that I felt entitled. However I knew that God had a greater purpose for me than struggling day to day. Remembering my patriarchal blessing I knew I had a divine and eternal destiny. Just like everyone in this building and on this earth does. So I began the long, slow journey back to Christ (which involved moving to Utah against all my wishes).
I immediately stopped doing things that were easy and then focused on the harder ones. Some of these habits that I stopped were easy while some are struggles to this day. (Examples of what was easy to stop included movies, music, swearing). I eventually started going to church and surrounding myself with friends with the standards I wanted. I started talking to God again. The next three years or so were filled with quite a bit of struggling and growth as I relied on Him to help me graduate from college and get into the Marine Corps and in all ways get my life back on track.
Really what it came down to was daily decisions to do better. I prayed and read the scriptures. I went to church and institute. I got my temple recommend back after many - at the time uncomfortable - discussions with the bishop and occasionally slipping backward. Once I got my recommend back I made the effort to go to the temple as often as possible. I accepted and fulfilled callings that were given to them. I did my best to get engaged in the work God has called all of us to.
A side note before I move on to the next part of my talk. I’m not sure we can ever be perfectly converted in this life. I feel like conversion is a lifelong pursuit that isn’t completed until we return home. It’s kind of like going to the gym. You’re never perfectly fit or strong or fast. You work on it every day to improve. I suppose the goal is to get to where the Nephites were in Mosiah chapter 5 when they said, "Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually. And we are willing to enter into a covenant with our God to do his will, and to be obedient to his commandments in all things that he shall command us, all the remainder of our days."

So how do I remain faithful and on the path? That’s an interesting question. I don’t know if remaining faithful has ever been an issue - I’ve never had a crisis of faith or doubted the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon or Joseph Smith as a prophet - but the path often remains elusive through my own choices. One of my favorite hymns is “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”. One of the lines is a request to God. It says, "bind my wand'ring heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love”. I do love God and I love my Savior and I never intentionally go out of my way to disappoint Them. We all know what is right and wrong yet still distractions, temptations, moments of weaknesses, fear, pride, deception, a variety of things take us down a different path that looks easier or more appealing in the moment. We know regret, loss, and pain are what we experience when we leave the path yet still it can be so easy. And it’s the same for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m the dog in Up that randomly says squirrel and completely loses focus on what I’m supposed to be doing. So going back to the original question - what do I do to minimize my wandering and get back when I do slip?
Remember who I am (who we are). Remember who others are (children of God). Remember my eternal Identity - this is from everlasting to everlasting - as a son of God. Some practical ways to do this are to regularly read your patriarchal blessing if you have it. Also put up pictures of Christ, the temple, or favorite bible stories all around the house.
Develop a relationship with my Savior. One of my non-LDS friends said this is what it means to be a Christian. Remember His atonement and live a life worthy of Christ’s sacrifice.
As President Russell M. Nelson said develop a daily habit or practice of repentance. That is the catalyst for the change we seek to become like little children.
Go to church and make friends that have the same standards. People you trust and can talk to honestly about your struggles. Develop a relationship with your church leaders. Moroni 6:5 says, “And the church did meet together oft; to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls.” Really there are two reasons for me to come to church every Sunday: first partake of the sacrament and renew baptismal covenants and then strengthen each other and help each of us stay on the path in other words developing a community of saints. It isn’t impossible to do it alone - there have been people who have done it - but it sure is a lot easier to do it when you have people all around you encouraging you to choose the right.
Get inside the temple. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of getting to the temple as often as possible. I’ve had extended periods of time - like when I was in Afghanistan - when the closest temple was way beyond reach. Some saints have made enormous sacrifices to go once in their lives while others still wait for the opportunity to go. If you live within reach of one make an appointment with God to go on a regular basis. Take your family. Take your friends. Or go by yourself. The temple is where we learn of God and make covenants with him. We draw closer to his Spirit. For a moment the world vanishes away. Read the scriptures and pray there. Then listen. It’s easier to hear God in there than so many other places as there is so much noise that can drown out what He wants to tell us.
My last thought is don’t give up. I know it’s hard. I know doubts (sometimes very serious ones) will creep in. It takes a lot of patience to stay on the path and for those who know me patience is not my strength. But I know it’s the right thing to do. I know it’s what will lead to lasting happiness. The blessing of joy is available to all of us as long as we live righteously. Trials and hardship and loss - while very real and painful - cannot take away the joy God has given us. I’m not perfect. But that’s ok. Because God still loves me and He loves each of you. All He wants us to do is give our best efforts and He will make up the rest.

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Women and Christlike Attributes

12:39 PM ispeakitboldly 0 Comments

Shortly before my first Mother's Day

    Today is Mother’s Day. It’s a day set aside every year to celebrate moms and all they’ve done for us from the time we were born throughout our childhood and even now as adults. Because we really don’t ever stop being our mother’s little boy or girl. But with that being said I want to first discuss the fact that all women are mothers. In Genesis 3:20 “Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.” Before they had left the Garden of Eden and before she had any children she was already a mother.  And Sheri Dew once said, “Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” And this thought is what I want to focus on. The Christlike attributes that seem to be in the very nature of womanhood. 
    There are so many examples of righteous women in the Scriptures. Ruth’s faith to leave her homeland, Esther’s courage to stand up for her people, Mary and Martha receiving Jesus into their home, Abish remaining true even alone as a believer among her people the Lamanites. Similarly in my life I have had the great fortune of many righteous women whose faith and love have been an example to me.  
    I have seen firsthand how women of all situations have been mothers to me. Some of these examples I’m going to share may seem silly or insignificant to those who weren’t there and didn’t experience the love and tenderness that I did. But to me they are truly meaningful as I even remember them years later. After helping one struggling single mother I fell asleep on her couch and when I woke up the next morning she had brought blankets out to keep me from getting cold and had tucked me in like one of her kids. Another woman (married with no children at the time) took care of me when I was sick by getting me medicine and a place to rest. Another woman (neither married nor with kids) cooked breakfast for me one morning and it reminded me of times my mother had done the same for me. Little acts of kindness like this have been so common from these women and whether or not they have intended it they have all exemplified Christian discipleship. 
    
    Service:
    The first attribute I have already briefly mentioned and that is selfless service. Christ spent His life going about doing good and that’s what He taught the disciples. As we’ve studied the New Testament this year we have seen how He ministered to friend and stranger alike. One of the most intimate examples of this is in John 13. “He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.” 
    Unsurprisingly I’m going to use my mom as an example a lot because of the impact she has had throughout my life. (And it is mother’s day) My mother dedicated her life to raising me and my siblings. For those who don’t know I’m one of ten children: nine boys and a girl. And to say the least we were no angels then and we are not much better now. Many have said my mom is a saint and I’m still not sure why anyone would willingly make the decision to deal with so many boys. But my mother truly wanted the best for us and this was demonstrated every day. She ensured we always had food to eat including cooked meals. She made sure we had clean clothes and got to baseball practice or piano lessons. She taught the Gospel in the home as well as helped out with homework. And to be honest that’s about all she’s done for the past forty years. She knows what our needs are and she tends to them. When you’re young you don’t really appreciate this selfless service as much as when you are older. 

    Sacrifice:
    Service and sacrifice go hand in hand for me. Once again Christ’s life and purpose was one of sacrifice. He never thought of Himself. He never complained. He endured so much suffering for each of us culminating in the Atonement in the Garden and on the Cross. Moms do the same. They sacrifice education, careers, sleep, sanity, travel, friends, their bodies. They give up on their childhood dreams for better ones. All for those they love more than anything else. Elder Holland said in a talk, "There are some lines attributed to Victor Hugo which read: She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness. ‘She hath kept none for herself,’ grumbled the sergeant. ‘Because she is not hungry,’ said a soldier. ‘No,’ said the sergeant, ‘because she is a mother.’”
    Another amazing woman I want to share as an example is a woman by the name of Janice Ahuna. She was an institute teacher and wife of the branch president where I lived in Hawaii. She was in this calling for quite a few years and dedicated hours every week to preparing lessons, cooking food, giving rides to people without cars. And on top of all this I never saw her get angry or complain or think about herself. Even if only a couple of people showed up she was there and ready to go. She - like so many others - made this sacrifice without a desire of recognition or reward. She did it because it was the right thing to do and it blessed the lives of others. 

    Mercy and Forgiveness:
    “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.” In recent weeks we have read about the story of the man who forgave his servant a massive loan - one that was impossible to pay back. On the cross Christ said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34). Time and again Christ showed mercy and taught parables about forgiveness to those who have done wrong or harmed us. And I will be honest this is often one of the hardest attributes for me to personally develop. So often my initial reaction is punishment or justice - even if I don’t say it that’s the thought that is in my heart. 
    Similar to what Cason said. But my mother has shown me repeatedly how to give a person another chance and to not give up on anyone for the choices they have made. She understands so much better than I do that mercy can change hearts and heal wounds much more so than getting even or getting back what was lost. I had one friend who helped me heal a relationship with a brother I had distanced myself from. She had the wisdom to tell me to not wait on him to make contact but that I should move past the hurt and reach out and just talk to him. Once again it was a little thing and maybe she remembers or maybe she doesn’t but her encouragement helped heal a broken family bond. 

    Charity:
    The last attribute is the foundation for these and all other Christlike attributes: the pure love of Christ or charity. It’s the virtue that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). Unsurprisingly this is the motto for the Relief Society. Going back to the Sheri Dew quote it just seems that women have it in their nature to love more easily and without judgement. The people I have mentioned judge by the best of people and not by their worst. They take in the downtrodden especially little children. Compassion flows from their souls and the world is a better place because of this pure love. 
   To give a couple of final examples first I have a cousin who embodies Christlike love in how she raises her children. Before they can even talk she teaches them of Christ. She dedicates every day to teaching them obedience and respect. She in so many ways embodies a wife that loves her husband and a mother who loves her children and puts them first above everything else. Second I have a friend who isn’t married and is possibly the kindest and sweetest person I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine her ever wishing harm on anyone even if they had done wrong to her. She endures hardships and takes it in stride. No matter what her love for others never diminishes. She is really one of the examples of Christlike love I return to often when I think of how I should act in a situation. 

    Testimony:
    I want to finish up with a couple of thoughts and my testimony. For all the men I would strongly encourage you to read or watch President Nelson’s message from the Priesthood session last month. One of my favorite quotes was, “we need to do better and be better in how we honor the women in our lives, beginning with our wives and daughters, our mothers and sisters.” I definitely know that I could be much better with how I treat my mother and others. I have not always been as grateful as I should have. I have so often taken her for granted. There were times recently where I didn’t like decisions that were made and once again distanced myself from her. We don’t know how much time our moms will be with us and like every cherished relationship we need to treasure it and nourish it while we can. I owe practically everything to her. My mom is a convert and so I have her (along with my dad) to thank for my knowledge of the Gospel. I have never seen her waiver in the faith through trial after trial. And even as she sees children struggle or wander she never gives up hope on any of us. Take the time today to call your mother if this is possible and tell her thank you and tell her you love her. And then don’t just do it today but do it often. 
    This is the Church of Jesus Christ and the fulness of the Gospel is found here. The Book of Mormon testifies of Him. I know these are true and boldly testify that righteous living and covenant keeping will see us return Home one day. Jesus is my Savior, Redeemer, Master, Brother, Friend. Hope is possible because of Him. I say these things in His name. Amen. 

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