"Don't Judge, Love"

10:25 PM ispeakitboldly 0 Comments

    I often wonder if sharing one of my weaknesses is the wisest thing to do when telling a story. My first thought is always, “perhaps if I do people will think less of me”. I fear the vulnerability expressing my struggles brings. However, I also know that there are moments when that potential loss of respect is needed in order to make a thought more impactful. With that being said I believe it is important to do so now.
    I all too often struggle with judging those I come into contact with. For instance I can remember doing this from years back when someone would walk into church dressed a certain way. Or maybe he was covered in tattoos and before even getting to know him I would say in my mind, “he is obviously this type of person”. Just the other day in fact I saw someone in a grocery store. He was unkempt, had a scraggly beard, a weathered face. And my initial thought was someone who is probably on drugs and homeless and unemployed. Someone who has wasted his life away. There was almost a note of condemnation in my thought. As I look back, even though no one knew of this - and most importantly the one who was judged - I feel so much shame and know that if someone was truly in the wrong at this moment it was me. On top of this I am so far from perfect. I have failed more often than many and regularly seek forgiveness or need to change my path. By what right can I ever look down on someone else who is struggling through this all too often crazy journey of ours?
    In response to this I have thought long and hard of how I can change this mindset. How can I stop judging those I come into contact with? How can I get past that initial interaction that may cause me to think negatively of another person? There are two simple expressions I have come up with to immediately place in my heart and mind when I begin to judge. I would suggest trying one at the very least, but both perhaps will provide the greatest change in our culture.
    The first I somewhat adapted from Whitney Cummings. I heard her once say, “every time you meet someone, just in your head say, ‘I love you’ before you have a conversation with them, and that conversation is going to go a lot better.” I have slightly amended this to say “don’t judge, love”…even if you aren’t going to talk to him or her. Love - true Christlike love - is the source of all goodness in this world. By choosing to love the person regardless of their imperfections - to take him as he is, to do this even just as a thought - will completely change how you perceive the other person. I do this with every small interaction. If someone is cutting me off in a line. If I see someone who appears different from me. If I ever start to feel I am better than someone I quietly speak to my mind “don’t judge, love”.
    The second has been borrowed from the great book on redemption Les Misérables. When the Bishop shows forth charity towards the criminal Valjean he says, “Jean Valjean, my brother, you no longer belong to evil, but to good” (italics added). In the musical, Valjean’s response is:

                   Yet why did I allow that man
                   To touch my soul and teach me love?
                   He treated me like any other
                   He gave me his trust
                   He called me brother

How simple is that? When you meet someone remember who they are. Remember where we all came from. Every person you meet is either your brother or your sister. Think of them that way. Think it or say it out loud if you can so they hear it. And - most importantly - truly mean it. “He is my brother.” “She is my sister.”
    Christ never looked down on those who were different or making poor choices. He shared a kind word, extended a hand, and - although it doesn’t specifically mention this in the Bible - I imagine he always shared a gentle smile. We at times will want to think less of those around us. I know I still do and it isn’t who I want to be. But with these two expressions - "don't judge, love" and "my brother" - I believe we can truly move in the right direction and follow the example our Savior set so long ago. Just perhaps this is the change we need in the world right now.

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Against the Ban

4:52 PM ispeakitboldly 0 Comments


Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect - Mark Twain

A few days ago I issued a challenge that people should come up with 3 reasons the other side of the refugee “ban” debate is correct - or how they would argue for the opposing view. This is meant to challenge emotions or biases that often infiltrate our thinking. Too often social media turns into this group think project where we block dissenting friends from our timeline and like/share only what we agree with. My beliefs is you should never be afraid to challenge your own opinion. And your argument is only stronger when you can view it from the other side. 
To make it clear I support the Executive Order and feel it is in the best interests of the United States. That being said I understand why people are so emotionally involved with this tough issue and why so many are vehemently opposed to it. I also understand that the Executive Order is not a perfect solution as there is no such thing and there is great potential for harm whichever decision Trump went with.
Below are my three main points to oppose the “ban”. I will say upfront that parts of these arguments are based on suppositions of what the future may hold. It is impossible to know what will happen. However, at the same time we can look at history and use reason to at least attempt to come up with likely scenarios. I will also say I have not done in-depth analysis of these arguments i.e. there is not a significant amount of data to back these up. They are only high level views of how I would argue and so data is not something I have relied on heavily - if at all. 
The Economic Impact. 
I have two thoughts to go along with this point:
The first being how much will it cost to change policies/rules and everything else that goes along with additional screening of refugees. Some of the refugees already here may have to be sent back. There will to be additional training for those responsible with the vetting process. There may be a need to hire more bureaucrats to increase our security posture. The debt is already a major concern. Why should the federal government go out of its way to pile on additional costs to its already bloated budget. 
The second  point being what will we lose as an economy due to keeping out potential business owners, inventors, teachers, etc.There have been multiple warnings issued by CEOs - especially from the tech industry - regarding the hardship this will put on finding qualified employees for certain roles. Many of those who want to come here from these seven countries were successful in their fields prior to the civil war or proliferation of ISIS. GDP growth has been practically stagnant for many years and perhaps these individuals would provide a short- and long-term boost. For instance there is one example given where 38 new businesses were started in and around Cleveland, Ohio, creating 175 jobs and providing a $12 million boost to the local economy.

The Security Impact. 
When I was in Afghanistan a few years ago all of the linguists were refugees from the earlier wars with Russia and the Taliban. They wanted to do all they could to help fight extremest elements within their country and religion. They wanted to give back to countries that had sheltered them during a great time of need. They know the culture and the land better than we ever will. On the flip side when we refuse entrance to refugees it provides an opportunity for groups like ISIS to use propaganda against us and our cause. “We don’t care about them.” “We are fighting Islam.” These are the arguments that will be used to recruit young men and women whom we could’ve brought here to fight with us. Why would we ever refuse entry to those who could be great allies especially when the alternative is for them to fight against us? In this type of modern warfare we are fighting not just people, but ideas. We need to welcome those within the Islamic community who will assist us in opposing jihadists within their faith.

The Moral Impact. 
This to me is by far the strongest argument. This is what I wrestle with the most. What happens to the conscious of a nation that abandons women and children in a war-zone. When the Jews were seeking asylum during the Holocaust how many countries rejected them? How many would be alive and have fulfilled dreams if we had but extended a helping hand? Can we look at ourselves in the mirror as a nation knowing hundreds - if not thousands - died because we chose not to help them? Are a few bad apples justification for this course of action? There is the very real possible that those already in the US Refugee Admission Program may be consigned to the back of the line and have to begin the whole process over. 50,000 was chosen as an acceptable number, but this arbitrary amount leaves out many others who deserve to be here just as much as anyone. We have to seriously consider the worth of each and every individual who is in Syria and does that person’s life matter less than another’s. And if we won’t do something about it - when we have so much we can do - who will? 
In conclusion I want to share some of my favorite verses. In the Book of Mormon there is a king that once said, “Ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish. Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just— But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; For behold, are we not all beggars?” Before we judge or condemn or do nothing, perhaps it is best we show love to those of our brothers and sisters who stand in need. 


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Always Waiting

9:10 PM ispeakitboldly 0 Comments


  “And [the Prodigal Son] arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20) 

When we read the parable of the Prodigal Son most often - and for good reason - we focus on the one in the story who left. The son who spent a time in sin before returning to his home and repenting. But recently I was re-reading this story and thinking of the father who when he saw his son coming back home ran to greet him. Perhaps he just happened to be outside at that moment. But in my mind there was something much more to this. I imagine a father who tried to talk his son out of taking this journey in the first place. I imagine a father who knew that his son would face many trials if he made this choice. But most of all, I imagine a father who every day after the work was done would sit outside the front door late into the evening looking down that road. Always hoping. Always waiting for his son to come home.
There have been many times when I have mentioned my wanderings and how like the Prodigal Son I had to figure things out the hard way to realize how best to live my life. Similarly to him, I had a moment when I seemed to have nothing - no food, no job, no future - and I realized that both figuratively and literally I needed to go home. I packed up my truck and a trailer and made the long drive west. And like the prodigal son I had parents - whom I’m sure spent many nights shedding tears - looking out from the front porch waiting for me to come back to them. Them welcoming me back into their Utah home was just the beginning. At this time I also began the long walk back to spiritual worthiness. I still remember how happy they were when I started making better choices. And the day when I hugged them in the celestial room of the Mt. Timpanogos Temple is one I will never forget. 
I am not the first to mention the parallel as it is both obvious and intentional. Because in addition to the Prodigal Son’s father - and my father and yours - there is another Father. A Father who is also always waiting for those of us who have wandered off the strait and narrow path. I imagine that even though there are so many of us He knows each one of us by name. He also knows why we wandered and what’s holding us back. And most importantly He never gives up hope. He is always looking down on us, cheering us on to make the right choices. And in my mind I imagine that when we do realize that it’s time to return to Him, He too will run to us from a great way off and - with arms extended - pull us into Him. I imagine tears of joy will fall and perhaps nothing will be said, but everything will be understood and forgiven. 
This kind of love should inspire anyone - especially those who have made mistakes - that it’s never too late to make that first step. After all…He’s always waiting. 

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Get Up

8:42 PM ispeakitboldly 1 Comments

“Unfortunately, we will not be proceeding with your application.”
Another failed job interview…
“You know, I think I should say no. I don't think us would work out.”
Another failed husband interview…
Sometimes life really likes to kick you when you’re down. For me it seems to always happen when I feel super confident and everything is going exactly the way I want it to. I feel as though I’m on top of the world and I can conquer any challenge that comes my way. Then one thing fails. And another. “Why?” I tell myself. ”I thought I did everything right this time.” 
During these moments it almost gets to the point where it seems no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions are, you just can’t succeed. Sometimes you almost wonder why you even bother getting up in the morning if it’s only to hear one more rejection. “Maybe this time I’ll just stay down on the nice safe ground. Yeah, it’s a little dirty. But as long as I’m down here I can’t fall and get hurt anymore.”
The other day I opened up my email first thing in the morning - which is probably not the best idea - and received one of those rejection messages no one likes to get. What made it even worse, it was something I had felt so sure about. It was something I had wanted. It was something I had put real effort into and even sought advice from friends to prepare for. It was something I had spent months pushing for. I had my life all planned out once I got this job and how nice it would be. 
But no. 
Recently I took a really nice woman out. She was fun, smart, pretty. (To be honest I was almost suspicious as to why she showed any interest in spending time with me…) We had fun together. We had long conversations after the planned activity. We shared so many interests. I felt really good about it. Then after a few dates she decided to let me know the feeling was not exactly mutual. 
Ugh. 
Last week as I had a steady stream of discouraging thoughts going through my mind about how often I fail and trying to understand what is wrong with me; one thought came loud and clear to my mind. “Get up!” No matter how much I wanted to focus on my flaws and be sad at that moment, the only thing that kept going through my mind was a loud voice telling me: “Get. Up. Don’t lie down even for a minute. Don’t quit. Don’t hesitate. Don’t look back. Get up! Dust yourself off. Take that next step forward.” 
So I did. It was a good reminder and exactly what I needed in that instant. As I continued to reflect on the importance of not quitting a couple of other thoughts came to mind: 
Learn and do better. Figure out what went wrong. Ask the person involved if the situation allows it. Review your plans and systems. Practice more. Try something a little different next time. Treat the experience as an experiment. Be a better you because of this trial. With that though comes an even more important thought. 
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s so easy to be judgmental of yourself and have an internal dialogue criticizing every little thing you do wrong. It can almost reach the point where you just constantly belittle yourself. If you have that tendency as I do then stop. You need to believe in yourself. It’s ok to push yourself to be the best you can be. But you also need to love yourself and be patient with your progress.
One of my favorite quotes is from Jeffrey R Holland. It’s one I turn to regularly. “Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. Believe in good things to come.” And that’s what I’ll do. And that’s what I hope we all do. We all have something to contribute in this life. We all have so much potential. We all need each other. So don’t quit. Get up. Keep moving forward. Things will work out alright. 

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